The Switch, Funniest Rape-Com of the Year

At least I suspect it is, I haven't done much research into the area *pulls collar away from neck and makes comedy noise*, but let's go ahead and say it's a valid claim.

So, Meg and I were waiting for a movie with a friend, bitching about whatever us MA lit-students bitch about (Mexicans), casually glancing at the multitude of TVs scattered throughout the lobby playing the same cycle of seven trailers interspersed with Skittles commercials ("blue is back!"), when our friend asks Meg, "do you think this is rape?" gesturing at the screen. We watched:

Did you catch the rape? Neither did I at first, but Meg thinks about it for a second and says "yes.". The issue is essentially: Anniston plans to get pregnant and Bateman spills the sample from the man she had actually selected and then, just as a quick and easy solution because what's it really matter, fills the thinger with his own *ahem* sample. He essentially inseminates her without her knowledge/consent."

At first I didn't buy it. Rape is violent and physical. The dude may be a dumb douche for doing what he does, but that doesn't mean he rapes her... does it? This is just some neo-feminist poppycock construing this bad thing as the extreme worst as a necessity of its politics-ideology... right?

But it is rape. He impregnates her without consent. While it may not be the violent form of rape we all know and abhor, it certainly falls under the same category. And what's strange, is that this movie uses this sort of thing casually, as a madcap rom-com premise. It's like if the setup was Bateman killing Aniston's mother, and through the investigation their initial antagonistic relationship blossoms into Hollywood love. I just don't get it.

I haven't seen the movie, and I probably won't, so maybe I'm wrong and the film deals with the severity of the issue, but from the trailer it looks like a typical rom-com. My projected plot is the initial "switch", then flash forward to when the kid's older and Bateman meets the kid and feels like he wants to be a part of his life. Then, when the Anniston finally finds out, she's pissed but eventually gets over it because she loves her son so much and wouldn't want him to be any different. This would and be how she falls in love with Bateman, she would recognize the qualities she sees in her son in Bateman (like the apparent ability to think quick on his feet).

I seriously don't know why either Bateman or Goldbloom are in this stupid movie. I do expect better of both of them. I mean there are paydays and then there are bad movie concepts, and this is the exemplar of the latter.

I just hope my titular prediction is correct and that I'm not forced to swallow my words when Sam Worthington and Katherine Heigl star in Once Upon a Time in a Dark Alley.

Co-starring Zach Galifianakis and Queen Latifah.

Yogi Bear is Probably not a Pedophile

Just a guess.

Alright, /Film is having a little fun with the new Yogi Bear poster. Take a look:


You can click to make it larger... if you want...

But yeah, I don't see the pedophile thing. Granted, the poster is CREEPY AS FUCK, but I don't immediately get the sense that Yogi Bear is having sex with his lil buddy. /Film points to the positioning, the expressions, and the tagline "Great things come in bears", as proof of the entendreness. I guess I can see it if I'm trying, like squinting at one of those bullshit 3D images, but I think all we got here is terrible poster design, with closeups of already terrible character designs and a really stupid pun.

Seriously, how far do you have to stretch to get "great things" = Yogi's penis, "come" = ejaculate, and "in bears" = Boo Boo? Strangely enough, the article says nothing of the "coming soon" thing, which I personally think is funnier than the tagline when read in the dirty sense.

Fuck, who cares about Yogi Bear enough to post about it twice. Christ almighty.

Those eyes are going to haunt me.

All the Pilgrim Promotional Material You'll Need to See

Update: So that cool trailer is also pretty frickin annoying just sitting on the page playing its little title screen music. It's now after a jump.

Some weird and new fangled sort of trailer came out for the forthcoming Scott Pilgrim vs The World. It certainly is an interesting new take on trailers and seems to fit in well with the flavour of the movie, but kwiest is the beep noise that sounds every time you activate a feature annoying as hell. I think it's almost worth turning off the sound entirely so you can't hear it. I didn't though, because I wanted to hear the soothing cadences of Cera's voice as he says "Lesbians?".

A Beautiful Springtime Sentiment

I know, it seems like all I do nowadays is post things that I read on other sites. And what would it be to you anyways. Huh? Jerk.

Belligerence aside, here's some funny:

Do a roundhouse!

My Favourite Thing I've Read Today

From an io9 roundup of this week's comics.

In this issue, the British mycological Supergod Morrigan Lugus (who has the fungal power to make people spontaneously masturbate, not making this up) squares off against India's bio-computer Krishna.

Enough said. The full context doesn't really help but it's here if you want it.

Kanye + Twitter(New Yorker Humour) = Actual Humour

Apparently Kanye just got on twitter. A) Who gives two fucks, but B) someone took some of his tweets and made them captions for New Yorker comics.

Link to the collection.

via Boing Boing.

The New Yorker is stealing my ideas.

TT: Yogi Bear and the Worst Idea of the Last Decade

Okay, they're making a Yogi Bear movie. Why you ask? Well, it's beyond both me and common sense (I asked her). To make matters worse it also is going to be one of those mixed live-action CGI deals, so it's going to look like ass in terms of both visuals and art direction.

The director has second unit directed a bunch of movies I hate, done special effects for a list of movies I didn't care to read, and has most notably directed on his own an unknown amount of Xena: The Warrior Princess episodes.

There are a bunch of odd things about the movie though that could go either way, but that I'd put a great deal of money on going the wrong (worst) way.

First, Dan Akroyd is doing the voice for Yogi Bear. Part of me wonders if they hired him solely because he looks like Yogi himself. This is of course a mistake when all he's lending the film is his voice. Also, Justin Timberlake is Boo Boo, which is really really weird but not necessarily damning. Then rounding out the cast is Tom Cavanagh as the ranger and Anna Faris as what I assume is the token female love interest Yogi will embarrass Cavanagh in front of.

While I don't mind Cavanagh, I'm not sure I know anyone else that feels the same--every one seems to hate the guy. And while Faris isn't my favourite actresses, I've really only seen her in Scary Movie so... that was a while ago admittedly.

Oh, also in the cast are Nathan Corddry and Andrew Daly, a pair of potentially funny nobodies that could steal the show, or just be terrible set dressing for Dan Akroyd's set chewing.

Trailer, if you dare:

So, we're all agreed this looks terrible right? Can they just stop making it now? What bugs me is how Akroyd essentially sounds like he's doing a terrible Rodney Dangerfield impression (no respect even in death, yeesh), which isn't really what Yogi Bear sounds like.

Seriously, just scrap what you already have and start in with both Yogi and Boo Boo as Akroyd and Timberlake themselves. I'm not even sure if they need costumes. You can use the same script and footage you've already shot with the rest of the cast, plus be able to save on all that expensive CGI. I'd see this movie with just the two of those dudes running around the forest doing the hardest to ACT those characters. It'd be nice and surreal, also the only reason anyone would see this movie.