Scary Movie wasn't Funny.

I dislike horror movies. In fact I don't like terror in any form. Probably just a disposition developed from having my family killed by a mask wearing serial killer in front of my very eyes when I was six... I miss you mommy.

Still, I do love the Halloween. I love to dress up and act a little silly. Given my love/hate relationship with the holiday I thought I’d list some not so obvious things you could watch this Halloween to keep you in the spirit but don't render you incapable of taking out the garbage at 3 in the morning. I hate the fucking Ring.

But yeah. After you’re done with Shaun of the Dead, Evil Dead II, Young Frankenstein, and the Simpsons Halloween Specials, maybe you might consider something off this list:

Monster Squad – I loved this movie when I was a kid. A bunch of kids take on all the classic movie monsters. I haven’t seen it in years as I lost my of TV recorded VHS copy, so I’m not sure it’s actually good or not. However I do remember this line which is enough for this movie to make it onto the list: “Wolfman’s got nards!”

Big Trouble Little China – Kurt Russell as a self-aggrandizing anti-hero who finds himself mixed up with magic, monsters, kung-fu, and Victor Wong. You might guess this one’s cheesy.

Bubba Ho-Tep – Okay: Bruce Campbell, as an old man convinced he’s Elvis Presley, teams up with an elderly (and black) JFK to save their retirement home from an ancient mummy who sucks souls out of residents’ rearholes. … Yeah.

Little Shop of Horrors – Rick Moranis stars in a musical comedy featuring a giant man eating plant. There are also hilarious appearances by Steve Martin as a masochist dentist and Bill Murray as the sadist that can’t get enough dental work. Did I mention Rick Morranis sings?

Not a movie but the episode called “A New Man” is a pretty great episode of Buffy that is often overlooked. Some of the comedic timing in this show is genius. It was neither written nor directed by Joss Whedon so there’s little lecturing.

And finally you gotta check out the first movie I had to be taken out of crying. (For your information the second was Jurassic Park because, well, there was a giant man eating dinosaur running around eating Jeff Goldblum. The third was Holy Man which had a cringe inducing Eddie Murphy running around eating at Jeff Goldblum's career.) But yes, the first movie I had to be taken out of was, honest to god, Ernest Scared Stupid. I remember (i.e. construct) the look of utter befuddlement on my cousin’s face. “Wait he’s scared of Ernest? We’re leaving? You have to be joking.” My cousin and I don’t speak anymore.

But seriously that movie freaked me out and I still find it a little chilling. Goblins are scary okay. I learned to love the movie later, likely having nothing to do with proving that I was becoming “a man.” Again I haven’t seen this one in years but I’m sure there’s some decent simple slapstick and good natured life lessons in here that we can all enjoy. Or you could just laugh at how much of a sissy I was to be taken out of the theatre crying at an Ernest movie.

If there’s anything I missed why don’t you post a comment? We could be like buddies.